" It's not about being who you are, it's about being who you REALLY are"

Life is not about being perfect at all but I know that I have to keep myself perfect just to fit into the society that I am with now on my life. 

My circle of friends are those people I cannot see to care for me but really cares for me. I don't know but there is something that really bother's me and that also keeps on pushing me to be the kind of person they want me to be. I know what they want for me is the only thing that will make a better me in the future but most of the time contradicts with what I want. I want to be complete and the only way for me to achieve that is to become a girl.  Yes I am a man, at the moment yes I am. I don't have a choice but maybe someday I will and that's what I'm pushing through my life now. I have to become a woman, I wanna feel how! I wanna feel how to become a woman not only to be feminine but to be as woman as well with my body. 

I don't know what to do right now. Maybe I'm just confused because I can't decide on my own. Maybe I'm just insecure because I keep on seeing man who is now a woman. Maybe I'm just envying every girl who have already tried to have a vagina. THEIR OWN VAGINA! I wanna have my own. I want to have one. 

One thing that I might see to be so fulfilling in my life is when a straight guy loves me because I am a girl. I want a straight guy to have a children with me, I wanna become his wife and I want to be called mom. 

That day that I have that, I'll be happy for my life. I'll be contented on my life, after that I will find the right path for me, a good career to focus on and a good life to settle with. It's not hard, I know God will not leave me alone on my decisions in life, maybe it's a big mistake for many and I know its a Big mistake for God. I know, before I even decided on this I knew it already. I have to face it, its part of the process and beside, its what I wanted and those consequences that I might face after, that's what I'll face alone. I have to. 

Now that this post has comes to an end. I have to thank everyone who would maybe finish reading this one. This is one of those special post for me that I have posted here. 

Last November, 29, 30 & 31 was the BB-Soc's outing to Morong, Bataan.

Once again, it was an unexpected journey for me because I was not suppose to join the said event due to lack of money. But, as always. They push me so hard that makes me say yes on joining them and mention me that they will be the one to carry everything.

Anyways, it's been a while and it already happened so I'll just going to show you some of my hand-picked photos from a bunch of 'em.

1.Consider using Skype video chat calls every day, text messaging, phone calls and email every day. It is important to maintain contact and to be in each others daily lives as much as possible.

2. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend-girlfriend, engaged) as well as defining exclusive (limited to one person,) or non-exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?" or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?" Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.

3. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... People in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously. Here's a free list of 100+ things you can do with your long distance partner

4. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask on for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Ensure the e-mails are substantive and detailed, it will show that you care enough to put in the time and effort. Write love letters. Send small gifts, cards, or send flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand—you don't take communication for granted!

5. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, not being dragged into a bunch of chick flicks, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality—something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together. Here are additionalbenefits of long distance relationships.

6. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

7. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match—or someone else is a better match—your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

8. Try challenging each other. This is not the same as being controlling. You may find that you can do things for each other that you couldn't quite find the motivation to do on your own. Perhaps you could motivate yourselves to get some exercise or to cook better or more often. It will give you something to do while you wait to see your partner again, and it will give you both something to strive for and talk about until then.

9. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

10. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

11. Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them. Consistency can help a long-distance relationship survive.

12. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship, you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worthy of trust until proven otherwise. Don't fall in the trap of interrogating your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a long-distance relationship doesn't mean your lives will pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure, it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive, but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.

13. Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a long-distance relationship is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive point is that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, to communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face" time and to test (and express) your feelings. As long as you see the long-distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

14. Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, when they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you. This will provide comfort, happiness, and the thought of being with you.

15. Work towards a balanced relationship between partners. A relationship must be built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The key is to ensure that an equal amount of effort is made by both parties. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that the relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about. But don't forget to ask some questions because if you don't, your partner may start to think that you're losing interest.

16. Create your own set of relationship standards that both of you have mutually agreed upon. That creates a common goal for you to work towards, developing a strong relationship whether you are together or apart. For example, agree to disagree, accept each other as you are, practice trust and honesty, strive towards compromise and self-sacrifice, seek spiritual unity, and maintain open communication.

17. Remember that you're still in a relationship. You HAVE to be there for your partner. If your partner is ever in trouble, or hurt, or whatever, you have to be there for them.Make sure you are available to them so that they can reach you if they need you. If they end up dealing with everything alone, they will eventually not need you. And sometimes, distance permitting of course, that means being actually, physically there for them.

18. Because time together is rare, when you do see each other, take as much advantage as possible of your ability to get intimate with each other. You don't have that privilege during those stretches when you can’t be with each other physically. You’ve got to keep those feelings of excitement and attraction alive or they will wane in time.

Link: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work

Minsan sa buhay, my mga kaibigan talaga DESERVE PARA SAYO at HINDI PARA SAYO. kahit anong gawin mo kasi mas maganda onti lang yung true friends mo kesa sa mga real friends mo. Katulad nga nang sinabi ng isa kong friend, "Mas magandang magbawas ng kaibigan, pag nagdagdag ka dapat mag bawas kadin. It only shows how important are you in you're real friend, kasi dun mo malalaman lahat eh, lahat ng mali, lahat ng kulang at lahat ng masama. 

"May isa akong friend, natulog sya sa bahay. Sa lahat ng mga friends kong natulog sa bahay, sya lang ang nakapansin ng picture ko with my long time crush, I was wondering pano nya nakita kasi nasa gitna yun ng mga teddy bear. Then he asked -ayy crush mo si J?- sabi ko jowa ko. Sarcastic ko syang sinabi para makita kung anong reaction nya then sinabi nya -ahh ok sige- so after nun dedma na. 

Last night, at Lakay Billiards along P. Paredes sa may Bombers malapit sa FEU. Naginuman kami, etong friend ko na syang natulog samin, sinabi sa iba kong friends about dun sa sinabi ko sa bahay. Sinabi nya sa dalawa kong friend na syang my kilala talaga sa long time crush ko na "naging ex daw ni margaux si J?" Then sabi ng mga friend ko "wiz" so after nun pinagusapan na nila ako pero hindi ako tumitingin para kunwari hindi ko naririnig yung mga sinasabi nila pero nakikinig talaga ako and sa mga sinasabi nila, sobra akong nasasaktan pero ang pinaka nasaktan ako is yung dun sa friend kong natulog sa bahay. 

"Ang totoong kaibigan ay yung mga taong kayang isekreto ang mga sekreto mo. Playtime man o seryosohan kaya pading i-seryoso ang sekreto mo" 

yun ang gusto ko. At sana maramdaman nila na ganun ang gusto ko. 

Ang message ko para sa'yo...

NANAY-NANAYAN KITA PERO TANDAAN MO, KUNG TATANGGALIN ANG PAGIGING MAG NANAY NATIN WALA KANG KWENTA SAKIN. YOU ARE JUST ONE HELL OF A NORMAL BORING FRIEND. 

and for that........

I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK, DAHIL HINDI LAHAT NG MASAMANG DAMO.......TUMATAGAL!

Thank you for reading my blogpost!

See you on my next post!

This blog becomes the ear that I always wanted to listen to me, The eyes that I always wanted to look at me and the reality that shows who I used to be in my past. I know I'm not that perfect enough to do and see thing but this blog of mine will show you how I control, Manipulate and live my life because every single memories on it have something in my life.